It's Time to Legalize Beating Up White People

It's Time to Legalize Beating Up White People An Editorial by Harvey
Posted by Harvey at 01:06 PM
I never thought I'd see the day, but I agree with Jesse Jackson.
Reverend Rhymes-A-Lot is defending the actions of six black youths who beat a white kid into blood-soaked unconsciousness because they were angry at something some other white people did.
"it's been scientifically proven that beating up white people will give you better grades in school and greater financial success if you're also stealing their lunch money and making them do your homework."Personally, I can't see anything wrong with what the Jena 6 did. Let's face it - white people have gotten away with so much for so long that there's no reason NOT to beat them up. They must've done SOMETHING wrong lately - after all, they're WHITE - but just because the punishment doesn't directly fit the unknown possible alleged crime that they probably committed when no one was looking doesn't mean that the beating wasn't well-deserved in some greater cosmic-karmic sense of the word.
And I speak from personal experience. I grew up in a small and agonizingly Caucasian town in Wisconsin. I wasn't lucky enough to have African-Americans around to administer the beatings I so richly deserved for being an overweight, undermuscled, pale-skinned, chess-playing, glasses-wearing twerp. And look at me NOW! I'm just some nerd hiding behind a keyboard, whoring out my writing talents by typing up right-wing satires of left-wing parodies of stories about right-wing politicians. If only there'd been a dozen strong, brown hands to encourage me to mend my ways by teaching me the meaning of pain!
But it's not just MY life that could be improved by inter-racial pummelling. The fact is, it's been scientifically proven that beating up white people will give you better grades in school and greater financial success if you're also stealing their lunch money and making them do your homework. Don't you want this for YOUR children? Do you honestly want to risk having them grow up like ME? Do you hate your blessed offspring THAT much?
If you care about the future, you will join Jesse Jackson and I our quest to make it possible for people of color to batter any white devil into a coma without fear of unfair and racist legal retribution.
And let me toss out an idea that'll make this country even safer from the terror of uncontrollable white-itude. We should have a government program that actually PAYS young black men to travel the country to put the whup-ass on honky skulls. Sorta like the Peace Corps, except with violence.
It's just a dream at this point, but I think it's one worth pursuing. After all, is there REALLY any price too high to pay to keep another white child from turning out like me?
---
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Walloping Whitey for a Better Tomorrow" and "I Like My Assailants Like I Like My Coffee - Strong, Black, and Bitter".